"Which side am I on? Jon or Kate? Neither, they're both dicks."

"I was going to post something I said to my sister about if I was to have a retarded child that I hope he would be like the retarded guy with glasses from the movie I am Sam..."

Saddle Sexy - adjective - A polite and respected term by which one may identify a beautiful and respectable woman as being "good to ride".

"Snap, Crackle, Jesus! Kellogg's Christ Krispies"

"I might have a job in a restaurant at the Hilton.... It's way too nice in there. I felt like I was from a third world country or something and finally seeing Canada."

"I'm blogging about AIDS."

"I'm not going to be stressed because of the time. I have a time machine. Duh."

"For this assignment I'm going to design the "ivamp" which is an ipod attached to this cross fashioned into a stake and you can stab vampires while listening to your favourite songs."

"I still laugh hysterically everytime I see that video of Artax dying"

"I don't really need to. I'll watch music videos from the 80s by European bands and I'll know what overdosing feels like."

"Oh yes, I have that same dress. Don't worry, I won't wear it on the same day as you."

"Actually, that's fuchsia not purple."

"If you read more, then you'd realize how awful the Twilight series is."

"So I'll just say, 'Suck my dick and take my transfer. You were the late one, not me.'"

"She's totally Harriet Tubman. I can totally picture her saying 'COME ON KIDS. COME ON DOWN TO THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD!'"

"Sounds like a dicking-good time."

"You can make all sorts of great words if you use your imagination and words meaning penis"

"I'm going to get a tattoo in Nigerian that says 'Yo Nigga!'"

"No, the jumping castle isn't open anymore. It's too slippery because it's raining. You could fall and break your neck and your parents would sue our store."

"Ray Charles is my favourite blind musician."