"It's like the holocaust, but fun...and with more quirkiness"

Yeah, Dolphins have been known to rape women.

No I can't eat, I'm anorexic.

"When I need to measure something one inch at a time, I just get erect."

"Its expensive to be addicted to things. I don't think I could live the lavish lifestyle of an addict."

"Who cares about Niagara Falls? All I hear is people saying, "Oooohh it's natural beauty". Whatever, I could create the exact same thing in my shower and it'd be 10 times as satisfying."

"I don't need a RENT poster. I'm already reminded enough about AIDs."

"Yah... I watch hockey." (Lieing is bad.)

"I wonder if Asians get English characters tattooed on their arms that say "penis" or "crap" and they think it means "love" or something"

" "Truth Comes Out Over M.J.'s Face"-I bet that's not the only thing to come over his face"